Just remember: the louder you scream the faster I go – you have been warned!

From a very early age I discovered I was different from the other kids.  I saw things at another angle and my thought process ran along similar lines.  I wasn’t a loner by any means, far from it I just had and still have a wild and vivid imagination.  This in itself, over time, fuelled an untamed creative streak which is now about a mile wide.  Blessed or cursed?  Well now, some 40 years later I know it’s the former but at the age of five it felt like a curse, especially during the first decade of my education.   

In the summer of 62 I, like the rest of kids were herded and aimed towards the local infants school and I believe now that that’s where my problems began.  From the very first day I knew I was in the wrong place but there wasn’t an alternative.  In part it became a torturous routine and the process or those who were trying to educate me, although they didn’t realise it at the time, crushed any spirit I had on a daily basis.  So to mask my insecurities I developed a highly tuned sense of humour to deflect any incoming information I didn’t understeand in case I had to attempt to recall it in front the whle class.   Fortunately I still have those humour marbles even after five trips to the ‘fun factory,’ cut me up in a million pieces and there’ll be a sharpe quip in every single bit.

I became the class clown, I had to, it was the only way I could survive the day.  For the most part I was searching in desparation for an escape route, a comfort zone where I could relax and be myself and after a hard slog I found it in art and music.  Sadly it was too late for my sense of self worth and confidence, by then I was overly shy and had a bag of nerves that were in shreds.  It was clear I wasn’t going to become and academic but what wasn’t spotted, right from the off, was my creative talent.  In the end I had to nurture it in my own way.  It was a rough ride as I didn’t have a tutor, I had a constant stream of odd looks and stares and scathing, whinning comments such as, “What do you want to do that for?”  It was a hit and miss affair every step of the way but I never stopped trying

Looking back now I can see that a mental disorder was always going to hunt me down.  I failed most of the subjects I took in my final year at school but always got fair grades in wood and metalwork and art and music of course, so I left the education system fully believing I was uneducated and stupid.  Can you imaging what it felt like to then be thrown into the world of employment?  The whole cycle started again!  True to form I upped my game and my quicklsilver wit came to the fore again, only now I was in an all adult environement. 

Five years after completing my lithographic apprenticeship I picked up a PHd in sarcasm and by then I was a proficient musician a couple of rungs down from Phil Collins in the early days of Genesis.  My crash occurred in 1989 when I was 33, just prior to the last recession and the timing couldn’t have been worse for me.  I would go onto attempt suicide and spend the next 2 years trying to fend off the black dog and a further 10 years dealing with a type II bipolar disorder – my middle name is lucky you know!   As it turned out the discovery of my bipolarity was the best thing that could’ve happen to me, it put me back on the path I was derailed from during my chldhood.  However, if you had told me 20 years ago I would become a published author and sell copies of my book in America I would’ve given you a ‘ there there’ pat on the head and bought you another pint.  You know what?  I’m much smarter than I thought. 

Anyway, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, right now there are people in this and countries all over the world who don’t know that they are the next batch of fatalities heading towards a ‘happy factory’ and the cause will be the latest bollocks up by the stock brokers and bankers and the only break-down they’ll be having this year are the figures in their pension schemes.   Okay, this will probably be the only serious part of my overall blog.  In the future I hope to make you laugh as humour is what I intend to move into now, it’s what I do best, in fact I’ve never been more serious about comedy – it’s good for you.  Read my book and make yourself aware and while you’re at it let’s see what we can do to offset the stigma awarded to the people who don’t deserve it by the ones who are largely illinformed! 

Gotta dash the cat’s on fire again,  Bipolar Bill (“,)

This entry was posted on Monday, April 27th, 2009 at 3:47 pm and is filed under Neils Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.