Well buy me a dress and call me Nancy, six inches of snow and England is shut for business – AGAIN! Meanwhile, countriess like Siberia, Austria and Sweden are wondering what all the fuss is about.
Call me old fashioned, but I would’ve thought that by now the fine upstanding English traveller might know we have a case-history of being complete shite at organising our transport, when the temperature drops below -1. I mean shit in yer hat and punch it, our train system comes to a grinding halt when we’ve got the ‘wrong type of leaves’ on the track!
Now we’ve all got to suffer the consequences of this yearly event by listening and reading the media’s back catalogue of stock phrases. This is then closely followed by the idiots complaints, who thought that they could make an exit from this country, during a cold snap, with their eight dustbins. (Dustbin lids, kids)
Moan No. 1 is, “There’s no information.” You knew that last year you twat! Moan No. 2 is, “My flight has been cancelled.” Well derr – what did you expect? However, I feel what it all boils down is this, “I’ve spent a lot of money on my dream holiday and I want what I’ve paid for. Why isn’t anyone listening to me?”
Hang on a cotton picking minute, I, I, my, my, me, me? When you’ve finished throwing the toys out of your Silver Cross (Balmoral edition, £1,100) pram, have you ever stopped to think that you, and your entire family might die in a plane crash in this weather? You selfish, selfish bastard. Think yourself lucky you’ve only got to walk 12 feet to get a drink of fresh water, you have a fridge with food in, and a bed to lie on.
If don’t want to be disappointed, shift the goal posts, don’t run with pack, and be open to the words, ‘change’ and ‘alternatively’. Yes, be big and strong, and travel at a time when the possibilities of arriving at your chosen destination are the highest, and bollocks to what the date says on the calendar.
On the upside, we now have a new winter Olympic event. The respective teams turn up at Heathrow, and see how long it takes them to get home. Having said that, I don’t fancy our chances much!
On a personal note, I would like to thank each and everyone of you that has dropped in on my site, and my nephew for building it for me. Thomas, you’re a little star. I would also like to thank my sister for sparing the time to edit my next book, ‘A Section for Laughing’ (c) copyright 2009), couldn’t have done it without you.
Many, many thanks for reading my posts (you fools!), and I hope I’ve managed to cause a few titters up and down the country, and aboard too. I can only assume that you’re as mental as I am! But then, I have a bit of paper that says I’m not – have you?
A Merry Happy Jingle Balls to you all, and I’ll catch up with you in the New Year, Bipolar Bill X
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