Well it said on his flyer that he’s a ‘specialist’, it also said he had inherited his father’s supernatural powers of clairvoyance. It was at that point the flyer hit the bin. Six months later flyer number two arrived, claiming the same facts as the first one, so I marked it under ‘blog’ and here it is…
Mr Kabassa certainly has got some amazing talents, except the one subject you really need to make a flyer readable – the Queen’s English. But hey, if he can offer ‘Relief from being bewitched’, who needs a GCSE in English language! He can for example, ‘Return immediately and definitely the person you love.’ Now, I have no idea what that means, but it all sounds very, very impressive, if you’re on the incorrect amount of magic mushrooms.
As you read through his list of skills, you can’t help think, “This bloke probably wasn’t born in dear old Blighty.” You name it and he will either get rid of it or make it twice the size Mrs! He specializes in witchcraft, black magic and bad luck, but if you’re suffering from the first two problems, bad luck would cover that surely? Well, I guess everyone adds some bullshit to their CV don’t they.
Out all of his talents my favourite is this; he claims a ‘100% success rate’ in protecting you from ‘all dangers’! Well I’m sorry, but even on my medication I find that hard to believe. I mean, he’d have to be fricking omnipresent to carry that off surely! You might find yourself down the whelk stall, when suddenly the proprietor is attack by a rabid hedgehog. How the hell would the amazing Mr Kabassa get there in time to save him if he’s collecting his boots from the menders?
Overall, it seems there’s nothing he can’t put right, oh yes Mr Kabassa is one regular 24 carat smarty pants. But you know; I can’t help feel there’s a bit of ‘Del Boy’ in his character. There’s a phone number to call, but no business address. His flyer goes on to say that, ‘He can come to your home to see if there are evil spirits’. He also says, ‘Send me a photo and a stamped addressed envelope’, but he doesn’t say of what! And then he rounds this boast off with by adding that he, ‘guarantees prosperity’.
Well, call me old fashioned and very slightly picky but, the only person that’s going to profit in this situation is the man himself. He’s got a shot of your house and the address, so all he needs to do is sit outside your gaff until you go out, break in and nick the silver! I won’t be calling on his services, but being all knowing and psychic I’m sure Mr Kabassa will know this, so seeing flyer three looks doubtful. I’ll keep you posted…
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