This just in from our BBC News24 correspondent from the warped side, Fitz Snuggly…
Smoking! Is it a dying art?
What’s green and invisible? No peas.
Ballet. What the fuck’s that all about!
Can humans hear when a dog whistles?
If female fish had eye brows, would they use waterproof mascara?
Brewery news: barmaids devour their young. But, on the upside a spokeman said, they always give good head.
Personal news: I was ironing my pet bee’s tabard one day, when my father came up to me and said, “Son, I have something important to tell you. My father passed it on to me, and I hope that one day, you will impart this vital life-lesson on to your children.” I sat back and waited to hear these great words of wisdom. “Son,” he said for a second time, “Never leave to top off a muesli packet” And I said, “Why not dad.” And he said, “It’ll go dry!” It make you proud to be British!!!
The secret thoughts of a manic depressive
Day 11: Thinks? Better change my boxers I suppose.
DAY 12: Naaaaaah – who’s going to know.
DAY 13: Oooh look, flies!
DAY 14: Could turn them inside out again?
Day 15: Naaaaaah – I’ll do it tomorrow.
DAY 16: Thinks? Better change my boxers I suppose.
Day 17: Oooh look, a squirrrel…
DAY18: I bet he doesn’t have to change his boxers
Day 19: I wish I was a squirrel!
And finally…
This just in from ‘Rustic Weekly’: if pots and pans were ‘ifs’ and ‘ands’ there’d be no need for tinkers. What the hell’s that all about?
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